Moments
by Don't Be Such A Sour-Wolf
Summary: Ahsoka reflects on how life is not permanent - in fact it is the opposite - and on how all she knows could easily be snatched from her, as it was before. One-shot as a follow up to my fic 'Warnings and Fears' - don't need to read that story for this fic


**Disclaimer: If I owned Star Wars I would have a pet dolphin (cos' they're cool), I don't have a dolphin…therefore I don't own Star Wars.**

**This is a little follow along piece that I write to continue my 'Warnings and Fears' story, you don't have to read that fic to understand this one-shot but if you haven't I suggest you do as it makes things even more clear.**

**This is just something that's been swimming around in my head for a while, in my fic 'Warnings and Fears' I didn't really show Ahsoka's recover and the aftermath of her capture so I wrote this little oneshot – I may write some more depending on how much people like it, so if you like it…please tell me i.e. review**

Moments

The world is cold, unwelcoming, much like life in that respect.

Everything seems so…permanent, you never really realise that, actually, life is extraordinarily _im_permanent. Your entire life, everything you've ever known, can be torn from you in a mere second and no matter how you much you try you can't save everything, even if it's something you treasure…or someone you love, you can't save everything.

You don't actually realise how impermanent life is until you a thrust into a situation that forces you to submit to death, something that makes you truly and honestly believe that you are 'knocking on its door', so to speak, you don't truly value or appreciate life until you a forced to believe that you may lose it. It all seems like it will never end, all those moments that seem like they'll last for all of eternity but in the end they are just that…moments, ones that _will_ end.

People tend to take their lives for granted, those routine menial things they have to do, sleeping, eating, drinking – those basics things – people seemed to believe that they were entitled to have those – perhaps they were – but how would they fair if all that was taken away. No food to eat. No water to drink. No peace to sleep. Without those small things someone could go insane, all of a sudden they aren't so small or unimportant. In those moments when you need them the most, they seem like the most important things in the world.

Ahsoka breathed in deeply as the crimson sun began to raise, her eyes glued to its golden silhouette as it began to glow upon Coruscant. She appreciated all the little things now, being able to see the sun rise, being able to do as she pleased – well, as much as her Master let her – without question. A few years ago she took everything for granted, if she were stood here at the age of 13 or 14 she would've been complaining about the unsociable hour she was up at, she would be taking this beautiful sight for granted but after the events with Bane, it was almost as if she were seeing out of new eyes.

They held her for weeks, always keeping her just on the edge of life. She thought she would go insane. She prayed for death, a simple release to end her suffering but it let her down; death let her down and evaded her. No matter how much she begged for it.

She despised what they did to her - Dooku and Bane – but not all bad had come from it, through her suffering she had learn to live every moment to the full simply because it could be her last. Her Master absolutely hated it when she thought like that – he really should stay out of her mind though – he claimed that nothing good came from her capture, he thought that she'd been forced to grow up way too fast. Perhaps she had but she wasn't going to complain and sulk, she couldn't change the past – and neither could Anakin – both of them were powerless but, unlike her Master, she could accept it and learn from it. However, her Master clung to his anger and disgust as if he enjoyed it…he couldn't learn from it if he didn't accept it.

He wasn't all powerful, even though he liked to believe he was.

Ahsoka blinked slightly as horrible memories flitted to mind, ones that she'd been trying to squash away. She may have accepted the torture and pain Dooku and Bane had put her through but that didn't mean that she didn't still suffer from the nightmares, still wake up panting in the night, confused as to where she was, still believing she was still in their clutches. The nightmares didn't seem to fade; in fact they woke her every morning, at the crack of dawn. Her own personal alarm clock to wake her so she could view the rising sun, Ahsoka let out a tiny chuckle at that thought. She wondered if people were actually serious when they told her she was too optimistic about things…they probably were.

She had long since learned to keep silent in her nightmares – for her Masters sake – he had spent the first few weeks after her rescue comforting her when she woke screaming. He already had so much to deal with and she felt like she was an extra burden so when the bags under his eyes became more visible she vowed that she wouldn't wake him again. And she didn't.

He thought that she'd gotten over the nightmares so he was able to get a decent night sleep whilst she sat rocking on her bed after waking from another, selfishly wishing he were there to tell her 'everything was alright' but she'd made her choice. She couldn't keep waking him, it wasn't fair, he'd done way too much for her already.

Ahsoka shivered slightly, it was winter and she had yet to accommodate for that by wearing more clothes. She wrapped her arms around her thin frame, one that had almost no fat left…all her baby fat had been exhausted when she'd been captured. It was her only energy source.

She sensed her Master before she heard him.

"Snips? What are you doing up?" His voice was groggy due to the early hour but he was still able to put a sufficient amount of concern into it…typical. "Did you have another nightmare?"

It would've been too easy to deny it, to tell him that she 'hadn't had one in months' but he knew her too well, he'd easily catch her out. He always did.

"I like to watch the sunrise." Ahsoka settled for avoiding the question.

"So you set your alarm to wake you…to watch the sunrise." The disbelief in her Master's tone was all too easy for her to pick up. "Was it the same nightmare? Bane and Dooku…hurting you."

"Uh huh." Ahsoka still didn't turn to face him, she kept her arms folded and shoulder hunched defensively in hopes he'd read her body language and would leave, although part of her didn't mind the idea of him fussing over her.

"I thought you were starting to recover."

Ahsoka didn't respond, something which irked Anakin slightly more than it should have. He didn't like it when she was quiet, not like this, she never used to be quiet. It felt so wrong. Ahsoka was a teenager, she should be talking non-stop and running around…having fun – like she used to – it felt so wrong to see her acting like this, acting like an adult.

"Snips?" Anakin came to stand beside her. "This is the first you've had in a few months, right?"

Ahsoka bit her lip as it trembled slightly, she wished she could answer that in the affirmative. How much she wished that but the nightmares plagued her every night, waking her constantly. However – if she were to look on the bright side of things – they always awoke her about 20 minutes before the sun was due to rise. That was a good thing. She liked the sun, the Sun was good…yeah, she liked to Sun.

"No" Ahsoka didn't lie; she didn't think she could if she tried. She hated telling lies, almost as much as her Master hated hearing them. She didn't want to weave yet another web of lies, who wanted to live like that? She wasn't that sort of person…anymore. The last time she had kept things from her Master she had ended up captured and tortured, it didn't take a genius to work out that, in order to avoid said activities, she should tell her Master the truth.

Anakin looked dumbstruck for a few moments before he regained composure. "I haven't heard you...cry" They both knew he meant scream, it usually exceeded crying by quite a bit.

"Yeah, I know." Ahsoka smiled at him slightly before turning back to the rising sun.

"I am so sorry."

"Why do you always take the blame?" Ahsoka snapped suddenly. "You always want to take fault…even when you had nothing to do with it."

"I didn't hear-"

"You can't hear me if I don't make a sound" Came Ahsoka's irritated reply

"Snips, I-" Anakin took a few steps towards the teenager.

"It doesn't matter, Master." Ahsoka interrupted him yet again.

"Yes, it does" Anakin stopped next to her and crossed his arms, gazing out the window into the distance. "It bothers you and it bothers me, don't insult my intelligence by trying to tell me otherwise."

"I didn't realise the word intelligence could be used in the same sentence as you, unless, of course, a negative is placed in front of it."

"Very funny, Snips."

"I thought so, too." Anakin had to crack a grin at that; she was the only one that would dare insult him so much, particularly whilst he was attempting to scold her. She had nerve.

Anakin kept quiet for a few moments, he could sense her reluctance to talk. He only wished that she would trust him. He couldn't help her if she didn't talk to him; her mental shields had improved under his tutelage – he tested them on various occasion in hopes to get in inkling of what she was thinking – so that was a no go zone. Things were much easier when her mind was an open book; he knew what was wrong and therefore knew how to help.

He should've known teaching her to shield her mind would come back to bite him in the ass someday.

Anakin felt like he should say something, he felt it was his duty as a Master to try and help her – staying silent wouldn't do that – so he said the first thing that came to mind in hopes of making conversation.

"You look terrible", Anakin silently applauded his idiocy, that was _so_ going to get her to open up to him.

"Gee, that makes me feel better, you're an amazing Master, Skyguy...so sympathetic" She replied with a small smile

Anakin knew that was coming, she seemed to enjoy it though, which made it slightly better. He liked making her smile, it was such a rare occurrence now – she had become so quiet and sombre – it was somewhat disheartening, especially when he remember what she used to be like.

"You hungry?" Anakin looked at the clock, it was a little past five…perfect time for a pre-breakfast.

"Not really"

She must be feeling particularly difficult today, Anakin thought with a sigh. She had made it her life mission to disagree with everything that he suggested, she was trying to send him crazy he just knew it.

"Okay, let me rephrase that: I'm hungry and I'm dragging you along to get some food because you're too thin." Anakin gave Ahsoka a thumbs up with a cheesy teasing grin.

"Skyguyyyyyy." She whined in annoyance

"Sniiiiiiiiiiiips" Anakin whined in the same tone

"What are you? 5?" Ahsoka folded her arms and huffed at the older Jedi's annoying antics.

"6 actually!" Came Anakin's quick reply. "Get it right."

Anakin watched his Padawan for a few more moments, wondering whether or not she would actually agree to eat something more filling than yoghurt, that was until he remembered one simple, yet important, fact: he was the Mater in this arrangement.

"We're going now." He tried to make his command sound assertive but, to be honest, even he knew it sounded pathetic…more of a whiny plead, like a child begging for an ice cream when the speeder flies by.

"Whatever Skyguy." Ahsoka smiled lightly before allowing her Master to lead her towards the mess.

Ahsoka sometimes felt like her Master didn't hear a word she said, she felt like they weren't on the page, and that could drive her crazy. His mind was sometimes so far away – she blamed her kidnap for that – he'd been distracted since the whole ordeal but, despite how much he annoyed her and fussed, she couldn't fault him for caring. It certainly wasn't a Jedi-thing – no, they shunned emotions – it was an Anakin-thing…how could she blame him for being him?

"You alright, Snips?" Her Master's voice brought her out of her musing

Ahsoka looked at him for a few seconds before letting a small smile spread across her face. "Yeah Master." Ahsoka nodded slightly. "I'm just fine, and you know what? I think I'm gonna get even better."

A feeling of childish playfulness came over her and, for the first time in months, she gave into it. Letting herself be claimed by natural teenage antics. She punched her Master on the arm, none-too-lightly, and laughed lightly as he let out a shocked 'ouch.'

"Tag." Ahsoka chuckled as her Master met her giddy expression with a confused look. "You're it…catch me if you can."

Ahsoka took off running, in the direction of the large mess hall, where cuisines and beverages from exotic and unfamiliar places awaited them. Anakin stood still for a moment, watching her flee, enjoying the chime-like laughter that erupted from her mouth

"Atta' girl, Ahsoka" Anakin said approvingly. "Yeah, I think you're gonna be just fine."

Ahsoka turned around at the end of the corridor, facing her Master with a playful expression; she stuck her tongue out and waved her hands at either side of her head, much like he'd seen younglings in the 'Room of a thousand fountains' do.

"Did I mention?" She shouted down the corridor. "Last one to the mess hall has to clean the entire apartment, including the spare room."

"No way" Anakin shook his head and laughed slightly. "The spare room is filled with droid parts...you can't even see the floor!"

"Well it's going to be terrible for you to clean then." Ahsoka chimed lightly. "So move your shebs and attempt to get out of it."

Ahsoka turn and sprinted away, her cloak swishing and billowing as she flew around the corner at speeds only a Jedi could reach.

"Rex, I'm gonna kill you for teaching her to swear." Anakin promised himself before his eyes widened. "Spare room? Echuta!"

Anakin sprinted after his Padawan, his laughs echoing around the walls as he raced after her with a determined mindset. She was going to be fine. They both were.

He figured that they would just have these moments, ones that felt like they would never end, horrible moments of sadness and fear but the best they could do, would be to help each other through those difficult times, to help each other find solace in an otherwise cruel galaxy.

He thought they could do it.

**AN: Hope you like, please review!**


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